The Internet and the apostrophe's demise

Around our house this weekend we spent more time than I care to admit chewing over how, or whether, or where to insert an apostrophe in the name of the "Queen of Diamonds Jewelry," a local business.

I made a cavalier statement about the punctuation in an earlier post. I knew I'd be in trouble....

So, should it be as it is above and on the store's sign, or should it be "Queen of Diamonds'" (perhaps...see Shawn Levy's comment), or should it be "Queen's of Diamonds" (no way!)?

No wonder this one falls into the "gave up trying" category mentioned in the book "Eats Shoots and Leaves."

I was settling into acceptance of the vague when I spotted a bus with a "Powells.com" sign on the front of it. Certainly Michael Powell would know better than that. Indeed he does, as the store's sign clearly shows. The inconsistency is apparent on the Powell's home page. One header, two punctuations.

Consider Annie Bloom's, our Multnomah Village book seller. Same problem. It's "Annie Bloom's" on the store but "Annieblooms.com" on the web.

The missing space between the given and proper names begins to get to the problem. The Web, in its techno-wisdom, doesn't like apostrophes (or spaces) in URLs. And that, fellow nit-pickers, could be the beginning of the end of apostrophes as we know them.

"Starbucks" was just ahead of its time.

Apostrophe gut check in Hillsdale

The clever little book, "Eats Shoots & Leaves" (subtitle: "The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation") makes fun of punctuation foibles.

Careful and not-so-careful readers know I've have a few myself. So I'm entering dangerous terrain with the following....

Reading the book's chapter on apostrophes, "The Tractable Apostrophe," led me to do an apostrophe check of Hillsdale commercial signs.

After skimming our signs, I'd give the Town Center a B-plus.

As you can see in the photos, we have some exemplary punctuation practitioners.

The honor role includes Noah's, Salvador Molly's, the Hillsdale Farmers' Market and Papa John's Pizza. You have to look closely for the apostrophe in the Papa John's signage. It's as if the company punctuates grudgingly. Corporate consistency is a problem for Salvador Molly's. The listing for its catering service on its web site mysteriously drops the squiggly.)

Lowering Hillsdale's punctuation grade is Starbucks, a notorious flaunter of apostrophe misuse. Clearly we need an apostrophe to indicate possession here—Starbuck being the first mate of Captain Ahab’s ship, the Pequod, in "Moby Dick." The place is Starbuck's.

Also, pulling us down is Edward Jones Investments, although I suppose you could argue that the investments are the firm's clients', not Jones' (Note the tricky punctuation here! Whew!)

Queen of Diamonds Jewelry is another drag on our grade.

Lynne Truss, the author of "Eats Shoots & Leaves," presents a long list of offenders. The Edward Jones and Queen of Diamonds examples fall under her category "Signs that have given up trying." Examples: Customer toilet, author picture, mens room.

A more likely and forgiving explanation is that graphic design has won out over punctuation.

You be the judge.

The unforgiving can can always find kindred spirits at places like the Apostrophe Catastrophes or Apostrophe Abuse.