Monday, November 03, 2008

I'm in jail — sort of

So this exuberant, not-to-be-denied lady on the other end of the line tells me that I’m being arrested and put in jail on Thursday.

You guessed it; it’s a fundraiser.

This one is for the Muscular Dystrophy Association.

I have friends with multiple sclerosis. I know several families with autistic kids. I try to support the afflicted and affected as best I can, but I really don't do enough.

And breast cancer, heart disease and diabetes are rampant. The list goes on and on. Sometimes I think there should be a “disease or disability of the month” just so we don’t overlook anything.

But the MDA (whose main spokesman is Jerry Lewis) got to me first. Someone (it could be YOU) had “nominated” me to be arrested.

The woman on the other end had no idea who I was except for what the “nomination “ form told her.

“You’re perfect for this,” she exuded. “A retired CEO.”

“A retired CEO? There must be some mistake. Just call me a MDA detainee."

She didn’t pursue my denial of retired CEO status, but it gave me a hint about how these jailings for charities work.

The idea is to incarcerate deep pockets with connections.

Maybe the person who nominated me said I was a retired newspaper editor and publisher. You can read all kinds of donor potential into that. A second home in Palm Springs. Foursomes on the links. Poolside margaritas.

The woman described an incarceration worthy of a retired CEO. I’m to show up at a fancy restaurant where I will be fed. My sentence will be one-hour. My hosts not doubt will expect me to Rolodex my way through calls to golfing buddies (I don’t play), members of the board of my corporation (I have no corporation) and other retired CEOs (I don't know any) to pay my “bail.”

So I will probably be calling my unemployed former students, graying Returned Peace Corps Volunteers from the ‘60s, and low-paid friends in the “helping professions.”

I do know some folks who know retired CEOs, but somehow I don’t think a second-hand pitch for some "jailed" lefty blogger will net big bucks.

Then again, the person who nominated me must have had some scheme in mind. I do write this blog and a few folks do read it. My nominator probably figured my “arrest” would be good for a post or two and maybe that would bring in some spare change.

It’s up to you to prove this theory right — or wrong.

If you want to learn more about muscular dystrophy, go here.

If you want to get me out of jail, go here.

If you don’t want to do any of the above, I won’t hold it against you.

But if you do pony up for MDA, thanks.

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