Friday, May 20, 2011

A bad "Judgment" call? The Good Book wasn't?

Okay, so it’s Sunday, May 22, and, like, the world didn’t end.

I will have spent most of a sunny Saturday hunkered down in the basement with the wife, cat, three cases of Granola bars, sacks of cat kibble and kitty litter, four cartons of toilet paper, a bottle of Scotch, mounds of chips and vats of salsa and 10 gallons of Gatorade.

Oh, and water, lots of water.

Some of the Rapture media folks (Have they done a good job or what?!) must be scripting media sound bites to soothe the disaffected who wasted a perfectly good day.

Trust me, we will not be amused. Who called off The End?

Here are some of the answers at the ready for why the big stage manager in the sky missed the final curtain call.

The wires got tangled.

The labor unions refused to cooperate.

Management changed its mind at the last minute.

The message was garbled. Seems that it was the end of something else. We aren’t sure what...yet. Possibly taxes; maybe death. Stay tuned.

We’ve learned not to believe everything we read.

It just wasn't working out.

It was a bad fit.

We decided to go with Plan B.

It wasn’t such a Good Book after all.

We forgot to read the fine print.

We should have run it by legal.

We always knew there was a very, very small probability it might not happen.

The Big Guy in the Sky was having trouble focusing because there was too much else going on in the Realm. Wars, floods, earthquakes, adultery. Some of the angels have turned out NOT to be "better angels of our nature.”

It’s going to take longer than originally anticipated.

Go to our web site for a full explanation.

We experienced theological difficulties. Sorry for the inconvenience.

It was always a "Judgment" call.

We misspoke.

We’ll get back to you.

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